The Feminist Sociological Perspective in Germinal Essay Example for Free

The Feminist Sociological Perspective in Germinal Essay The feminist analysis has made a major contribution to social theory, making sociologist aware of issues that were previously ignored. Many aspects of what were considered to be â€Å"private life,† associated with male/female relations in household, family, and other social relationships have been transformed. Many parts of society have experienced changes as a result of increased involvement of women in public life. In the 19th century, women were viewed differently than they are now, and those differences play a major part in the roles women played in the literature of their time. Germinal is a novel about the birth of political ideas and social movement in a society. In Zola’s Germinal, women fit into two different major categories. The maternal role of motherly conduct, and women striving for equality amongst the men, The maternal role is the most important role. The mothers in Germinal are very consistent people, and the constants in the society holding the people together. The most obvious mother role is that of La Maheude. She is a typical example of many of the traits of common maternal influence, and she gives the readers an idea into an average family of colliers in late nineteenth century France. â€Å"It wasnt something you thought about, a child just came along, naturally. And when it was grown, it brought in some money and generally kept things going. In their house for example, they could have managed if it werent for Grandpa, who was getting all stiff and for the fact that out of the whole bunch of them only her eldest daughter and two of her sons were yet old enough to work down the mine. (Page 94) When the children are young, it is the duty of the mother and her influence during such an easily influenced stage to shape hard-working and trust-worthy breadwinners. As a mother, La Maheude has this important job in providing for her family by creating new sources of income, and by shaping the next generation into society. Many women in Germinal are taken advantage of when it comes to the influence of their male counterparts. Catherine and Chaval for instance have a relationship where the male believes women are lower than them in status. This aggressive attitude is a clear understanding in the first sexual advances of Chaval to Catherine with his sexual advances. Though Catherine is young, and far from ready for a relationship she is forced into a very intense relationship with Chaval. Her inability to resist such advances from a male shows her true weakness in life. Though the women who work in the mines are supposed to be the representation of the strongest women in the story, in reality Zola has given them fallout in their inability to resist their superiors in the males. At La Mouquettes they were short of bread too: this was her dinner, and she had insisted on wrapping it in a cloth for him, kissing him passionately as she did so(Page 266). La Mouquette is a character that sleeps around for enjoyment instead of personal gain. When the colliers are at their worst, she even offers food to her present love interest in Etienne. This gives her a perspective that is unique, besides the history of her family as it differed from the miners. She adds emotion and charity to the novel. It may not always be recognized, but women have a very important role in society. In the novel Germinal, women are the caretakers of the house and they are the beat in the heart of all the children. They are inspirational women that inspire the children to become something in life. They are degraded in so many ways by the males in the novel; trading sex for food and abusive relationships. Many parts of society have experienced changes as a result of increased involvement of women in public life.

The Analysis of the Escape by W.S. Maugham Essay Example for Free

The Analysis of the Escape by W.S. Maugham Essay What we call a Chicago accent is actually called the Inland North American dialect. This encompasses the major cities around the Great Lakes. The dialect used to be considered the standard American accent until the region experienced a vowel shift, now called the North Cities Vowel Shift. Who Speaks the Chicago Dialect? Or rather, who doesnt? The answer, of course, is African Americans in the Chicago region, who have their own (and infinitely more interesting) dialect. Though this may be obvious. African Americans are the largest population group in Chicago, and it would be irresponsible to overlook the fact that the Chicago dialect is not used by the largest sector of the citys population. The most salient feature of the Chicago dialect is that it is undergoing the Northern Cities Vowel Shift. This is most noticeable in words with the /ae/ vowel, which gets raised so that its close to /e/. Thus, bad sounds a bit like bed, or, beead. Another notable aspect of this vowel shift is that /o/ is fronted so that it is closer to /ah/. So hot sounds a lttle like hat. As an ongoing change, it is more prevalent and more pronounced among young people, middle-class people, and females, but it is quite widespread. nearly all white Chicagoans exhibit this vowel shift, at least to some extent. A more local vowel development is a monophthongization of /ow/ to /oh/, so that south becomes soth and down becomes don. This is more conservative and less widespread. Also we can notice that when a vowel sound moves into another vowel’s territory, the result may be a merger —as when the sound of caught comes to be pronounced with the tongue in the same region of the mouth as for cot. In a different pattern, the movement of one vowel spurs a reactive movement in a neighboring vowel. As with strangers in an elevator, one vowel shifts to keep its distance when another enters the space. These coordinated movements are heard in the Northern Cities Shift, which affects six different vowels, those appearing in caught, cot, cat, bit, bet and but. In this change, caught takes on a vowel similar to that originally used for cot. The cot vowel also shifts, becoming more like the vowel of cat. The vowel of cat takes a position closer to that ordinarily heard with bit and sometimes sounds like the â€Å"ea† in idea. Words like bit are pronounced with a vowel nearer to bet or even but whereas bet words have a vowel similar to that in cat or but, and the vowel but words comes to sound more like that of caught. When these changes are plotted according to the positioning of the tongue, the connections among them are clear and the shift resembles a clockwise rotation of the vowels in the mouth. The Northern Cities Shift: These guide words are positioned to represent where in the mouth the tongue is placed for those vowel sounds. The arrows indicate the directions of change affecting the sounds. Consonants The stereotype about Chicagoans is that they say dis instead of this, but thats not entirely accurate. The real pronunciation is somewhere in between. To approximate it, first pronounce /th/ the standard way, with the tip of your tongue between your teeth. Then, keeping your teeth apart, move the tip of your tongue to the back of your teeth. Thats the typical Chicago /th/. Contrast it with /d/, which is made with the teeth closed, and the tongue against the roof of the mouth. This is a conservative trait, and is more common among older people, working class people, and males. The unvoiced equivalent, that is, the /th/ of in the word thick is even more conservative. Vocabulary Chicago vocabulary is fairly unremarkable. As a cosmopolitan place, the vocabulary is more generalized than in rural areas, so that Chicagoans are at least familiar with words that were formerly used by dialectologists as markers of Southern dialect or Midland that is, the dialect in between Northern and Southern. Nevertheless, there are a few localisms which are worth mentioning: What other people call rubbernecking, Chicagoans call gaping thus an accident on the side of the road can cause a gapers delay or gapers block. Also, Chicagoans are more likely to use the term gym shoes. Grammar In Chicago, like in other American cities that had lots of German-speaking immigrants, with can be used more frequently as a verbal complement. Thus, while most Americans might say come with, Chicagoans can also say take with and have with. Consider the following bit of dialogue from Chicagoan David Mamets play American Buffalo,: Donny: (Talking about a gun) I dont want it with. Teach: Well, I want it with. In the 1996 film version, Donnys line sounds fine when delivered by Chicagoan Dennis Franz, but Angeleno Dustin Hoffman has trouble making Teachs line sound natural; hes clearly uncomfortable saying it.

The Caretaker By Harold Pinter | Analysis

The Caretaker By Harold Pinter | Analysis Numerous critics have said that much of the action of The Caretaker by Harold Pinter is dominated by the characters struggle for power over one another. As Michael Billington remarked in his book The Life and Work of Harold Pinter, Power is the theme: dominate or be dominated. Pinter shows, Billington continued, That life is a series of negotiations for advantage in which everything comes into play. Indeed, in The Caretaker, this often seems to be the case. Davies tries to play Aston and Mick against each other as he struggles to establish a foothold in the room. Mick maintains power over Davies by physical as well as verbal assaults. And at the end of the play, Aston exerts his power by forcing Davies to leave; the struggle for power is a dominant theme in the play. On the other hand, Mick does have at least some feeling, even if only a sense of obligation, for his brother and is, in fact, taking care of at least some of Astons needs by allowing him to stay in the room. Although he expresses anger at his brother when he breaks the Buddha against the stove, although he tells Davies that Astons trouble is that he does not want to work, Mick does defend Aston against Daviess cruel remarks and he allows Aston to stay in the room. The desire for power motivates him but it is not his only motivation. Nonetheless, it does seem fair to consider the desire for power as a primary motivation for both Davies and Mick. While Davies and Mick are dominated by their own drives for power, to suggest quite the same of Aston is to simplify his character as well as the play as a whole. Astons attempts to care for Davies and to talk to him seem motivated, at least in part, by kindness and concern for the tramp. On the other hand, it is hard to see Aston as motivated entirely by altruism. Indeed, one could argue that Aston is kind to Davies because he wants to control him, because he wants to meet his own needs and thus is as motivated by power as are Davies and Mick. In truth, neither interpretation of Astons character captures the whole man. Aston does make an effort to meet his own needs but not in a cynical search for power. What Aston truly desires throughout most of the play is real contact with another human being. It is only when his efforts at connection fail that Aston exerts simple power over Davies. In Act I, after the opening scene in which Mick looks about the dismal room, then leaves, Aston comes onstage followed by Davies. Upon entering the room, Davies begins to speak of the encounter that led Aston to bring him home. Davies was involved in some sort of scuffle at the restaurant where he was working, and Aston saw a man have a go at Davies. In relating this incident, Davies complains a great deal about his treatment at the restaurant, claiming that he was not being treated according to his station, that he was told to do work he considered beneath him. In spite of his concern with his place in the world, however, it is clear from Daviess clothes that he is a tramp and, whether such a viewpoint is moral or not, most so-called respectable people would consider him beneath them. While many would feel sorry for someone in Daviess position, almost no one would actually take such a person home to care for him. Astons bringing Davies home, therefore, seems an act of incredible kindness. Such kindness can also be seen to some extent in the way Aston and Davies converse. For the most part, Davies speaks and Aston listens, enduring the old mans complaints, never challenging even the most absurd of Daviess claims, such as his assertion that women have often asked him if he would like to have them look at his body. When Aston does speak to Davies, most of the time he asks questions about the old mans needs and desires. As Act I continues, Aston makes a number of offers to Davies and these offers seem to escalate in extremity. He offers the tramp a cigarette, shoes, and money. He says he will retrieve the belongings Davies left in the restaurant. He offers to let Davies stay in his own room and even gives the tramp the keys to the house. By the end of the first act, Astons offers of help become so extreme that they would seem incredible to most people. So unbelievable is Astons kindness to Davies that it raises the question of motivation. It is hard to accept that a person could be that kind simply out a sense of responsibility towards ones fellow man. There are, however, some hints that Aston may be acting from something other than kindness, may in fact be seeking to have Davies satisfy his own needs. In the first act, Aston twice tells Davies of incidents from his own life. First he tells Davies a simple story that he went into a pub and ordered a Guinness, which was served to him in a thick mug. He tells Davies that he could not finish the Guinness because he can only drink out of a tin glass. Davies completely ignores Astons story and immediately begins speaking about his own plans to go to Sidcup. Later, Aston tells Davies of his sitting in a cafe and speaking to a woman who, after a brief conversation, put her hand on his and asked if he would like her to look at his body. Davies responds first with disbelief, saying Get out of it, then goes on to say that women have often said the same thing to him, not quite ignoring Astons remarks this time, but using Astons experience simply as a means to boast about himself. In both cases, there is no logical prelude to Astons stories. They seem to come out of nowhere. The most likely interpretation seems to be that Aston simply wants someone to talk to, and this interpretation seems borne out in Astons speech in the second act in which he tells of how he was put in a mental hospital after he talked too much. This suggests that Astons kindness might stem from his own need to connect with a human being, any human being, even Davies. If this is the case, Davies offers no satisfaction to Aston, for the tramp is interested only in himself. Toward the end of the first act and throughout most of the second, Aston begins to seem less motivated by simple kindness. His leaving of Davies alone in the house seems, on the face of it, an act of consideration and of trust but it is in fact somewhat ambiguous. Aston almost certainly knows that Mick may come into the house and that, if he does so, he will view Davies as an intruder. In a sense, Aston, while not at this point confronting Davies with his own power, leaves Davies in a position in which he may have to face the anger and power of Mick. Thus Aston exerts a sort of familial power over Davies. After Micks encounter with Davies and Astons return to the room, Aston continues to show ambiguity in his treatment of Davies. When Mick keeps Daviess bag from him, Aston makes some attempt to get the bag back to him, but finally, he gives the bag to Mick, and it is Mick who returns it to Davies. Aston still attempts to acquire shoes for Davies, and IT IS ONLY POWER THAT DAVIES UNDERSTANDS He offers him the job of caretaker, but he complains that Davies makes noises when he sleeps. When Davies complains about the draft and rain from the open window, Aston asserts himself by telling Davies that he himself cannot sleep without the window being open. Toward the end of the second act, though, Aston temporarily gives in to Davies on the matter of the window. He tells Davies he can close it for the time being. In his giving in to Davies in this way, Aston may be motivated by simple kindness, or he may seek to appease Davies so that he can again attempt to talk to the man, to engage him in some sort of relationship. Again, this can be interpreted as an effort to control Davies in order to meet his own needs. At this point in the play, it is more difficult to believe that Aston acts only from kindness. It seems possible that Aston may truly be motivated by the desire to manipulate Davies in order to use him to satisfy his own need for contact. The situation becomes more complicated, however, at the end of Act II, when Aston, in a lengthy monologue, speaks to Davies about his mental troubles. Aston tells the story of his talking too much in the cafe, of his hallucinations, his commitment, his mothers betrayal, his experience of involuntary electroshock treatments. This monologue is like nothing else in the play. Aston tells the tramp a serious story about what is almost certainly the most painful experience of his life. Aston seems again to want someone to listen to him, and one could again argue that he simply wants Davies to meet his own needs. Such a view, however, would be too simplistic. In telling this story to Davies, Aston takes a serious risk. The social stigma attached to those who have received such treatment in a mental hospital, particularly electroshock therapy, is strong, especially in the time in which Pinter is writing. When Aston tells Davies about his hospital experience, he makes himself extremely vulnerable to the tramp. He gives Davies ammunition to use against him. This is not a man in search of power but one who desperately seeks to make real human contact. But Aston ultimately cannot make that contact with Davies. Pinter uses lighting to illustrate this. By the end of Astons monologue, he alone can clearly be seen; Davies stands in the shadows. This shows that no connection is made. His attempt to connect with a human being leaves him vulnerable and alone. In the final act, Davies exploits Astons moment of honesty. He attempts to ally himself with Mick and against Aston. Aston, once again seeming to attempt an act of kindness, continues to seek shoes for Davies, but the tramp scorns Astons efforts to help. In fact, Davies verbally assaults Aston, insulting him, accusing him of being insane, telling Aston that he could go back into the hospital, that he could receive electroshock treatments again. It is at this point that Aston finally tells Davies he has to leave. His attempts to be kind to Davies, to connect with him, have completely failed. Even when he tells Davies to leave, however, Aston again shows kindness, offering Davies money. But still he finally and literally turns his back on Davies as he looks out the window and waits for the tramp to leave. While it is clear that Davies, with no place to go, is alone at the end of the play, what is often overlooked is the fact that Aston is also alone. He has shown kindness to Davies. He has desperately attempted to make real human contact with him. In the end, however, Astons desire for connection cannot be saved. It is only power that Davies understands.

Energy-Efficient Homes Essay -- Environment Pollution Papers, Conserva

Energy-Efficient Homes A great number of today’s citizens are aware of ecological and environmental problems caused by pollution, such as smog and global warming. However, though we know about the effects of pollution and have taken steps to minimize this hazard, there is one important area often overlooked when trying to find cheap, simple pollution solutions. This area is the American home. While what we put into our homes and what we do in them contribute greatly to the annual U.S. household energy usage, the design of our homes plays a very important factor, since a poorly-constructed home will use more energy for maintenance, heating, and cooling than a home with an energy-efficient design. If we could reduce the amount of energy used by our homes, we can make a significant contribution to reducing pollution generated from excess energy use. This, as will be shown later, is not a difficult thing to do; there are many ways that we can make our homes more energy-efficient, and most of us nat urally like to make improvements to our homes. One of these improvements could be on the design of our homes, since much of our country's energy and funds go toward supplying heat and electricity to homes that could be made more energy-efficient. From this, we see that the design and energy-efficiency of a home are two things that need a second look if we wish to improve environmental health and lead more comfortable, happier lives. To get a better sense of how we should begin solving our pollution problems, we must first understand the reasons why we tend to produce them in the first place. There appears to be an underlying reason for why humans are naturally energy-inefficient, according to Allaby and Bunyard--perhaps we just ha... ...ess, 1996. Insulation Fact Sheet. Assistant Secretary of Energy Efficiency and Renewable Energy, US Department of Energy. 7 Dec. 1999 McCarthy, John. Quotations (17-Sep-1999). 7 Dec. 1999 . Motors and Maintenance: Enhancing Energy Efficiency. Mohammad H. Qayoumi. 30 Oct. 1999 . The Online Workshop: Energy-Efficient Construction Techniques. Yellow Mountain Institute. 1 Dec. 1999 . ST-96-20R Estimates of Housing Units, Households, Households by Age of Householder, and Persons per Household: July 1, 1996. The U.S. Bureau of the Census. 30 Oct. 1999 .

Personal Narrative: How Society Shaped Me Essay -- Social Group Neighb

Personal Narrative: How Society Shaped Me What is society and how did it help shape me into the person I am today? First, society is the state of living in organized groups of people. These organized groups of people are the ones that made me who I am today and will continue to shape me, as I grow older. My version of society is white middle class people who grow up going to catholic schools. These white middle class people are only associated with other white middle class people, and very seldom venture out of this little society. As stupid as that sounds to not associate with other people it is true. The reason this is true is because of where I live, where I go to school, and who my friends are. I guess it is just like Emerson said, â€Å"the virtue in most request is conformity.† So, the three social forces that have played the biggest impact on my life are my community, my friends (family) and my education. I have lived in the same neighborhood my entire life, a neighborhood full of white middle class families, with the exception of one middle class African American fam...

pvr demand stretch :: essays research papers

Various Strategies Used By PVR For Stretching Supply To Meet The Demand This Strategy involves altering and aligning the organization capacity to meet the demand i.e. when demand for services is at its peak, capacity is expanded and when the demand is low, capacity is reduced to conserve the organization resources. The primary services resources that can be expanded and contracted temporarily to meet the demand are discussed below: 1)  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚   Time 2)  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚   labor 3)  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚   Facilities 4)  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚   Equipments 1) Time: PVR brought in the concept of flexi-hours and it has eliminated that old traditional show timings of 9-12am,12-3,3-6 etc. They came with the odd hours show timings like 10:50, 2:20,3:40,7:25 which suits the requirements of different type of viewers. Like school bunkers can go for 10:50 am show, college going students after attending their classes can view 2:20 pm show and on the other side corporate executives can go for 7:25 pm show. 2)  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  labor : Labor is one area where an organization faces major constraint when demand changes. In case of high demand period like summer vacations ,week-ends, PVR increase no. of employees by hiring part-time employees during peak period. They increase the no. of employees at the ticket counter, inside the auditorium, and at the refreshment counter. They are adopting Cross training i.e one employee is trained in more than one job, like person sitting at ticket counter also do the job of usher. 3)  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Facilities : In case of High demand PVR plan it out well in advance based on experience and increase the number and frequency of screenings. May be extending the screening in the next weeks schedule. More no of auditoriums are there , wide choice when more no of movies are releasing on the same day- but this is one time investment i. pvr demand stretch :: essays research papers Various Strategies Used By PVR For Stretching Supply To Meet The Demand This Strategy involves altering and aligning the organization capacity to meet the demand i.e. when demand for services is at its peak, capacity is expanded and when the demand is low, capacity is reduced to conserve the organization resources. The primary services resources that can be expanded and contracted temporarily to meet the demand are discussed below: 1)  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚   Time 2)  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚   labor 3)  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚   Facilities 4)  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚   Equipments 1) Time: PVR brought in the concept of flexi-hours and it has eliminated that old traditional show timings of 9-12am,12-3,3-6 etc. They came with the odd hours show timings like 10:50, 2:20,3:40,7:25 which suits the requirements of different type of viewers. Like school bunkers can go for 10:50 am show, college going students after attending their classes can view 2:20 pm show and on the other side corporate executives can go for 7:25 pm show. 2)  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  labor : Labor is one area where an organization faces major constraint when demand changes. In case of high demand period like summer vacations ,week-ends, PVR increase no. of employees by hiring part-time employees during peak period. They increase the no. of employees at the ticket counter, inside the auditorium, and at the refreshment counter. They are adopting Cross training i.e one employee is trained in more than one job, like person sitting at ticket counter also do the job of usher. 3)  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Facilities : In case of High demand PVR plan it out well in advance based on experience and increase the number and frequency of screenings. May be extending the screening in the next weeks schedule. More no of auditoriums are there , wide choice when more no of movies are releasing on the same day- but this is one time investment i.

The Secret of Ella and Micha Chapter 5

Micha There she is, the girl I used to know. It's visible in her green eyes that she's getting turned on. She was always weird like that, the speed, the danger always got her own engine burning. Then I have to slow down and all the fire dissolves. She puts on her seatbelt and mutters something about the Ella I know being gone forever, but I'm calling her out. I have big plans to bring my best friend back, whether she likes it or not. She's wearing a short skirt and tank top that's tight enough to show off her curves. It's driving me crazy that I can't touch her. â€Å"What happened to the turnout?† she asks as we drive by the spot we use to park at during small town cruising. â€Å"It looks like you can't even take the road up to the cove anymore.† â€Å"You can if you walk or have four-wheel drive and ramp the hill.† The turnout is blocked off by a large fence so that no cars can reach the dirt road that leads to a secluded area near the lake. â€Å"They blocked it off after they busted a bunch of people for drug and alcohol possession.† â€Å"Anyone I know?† she inquires, feigning indifference. I thrum my fingers on top of the steering wheel. â€Å"Yeah, you're sitting next to one of them. But mine was only for alcohol.† Her friend gasps in the backseat and I catch Ella secretly rolling her eyes. â€Å"What'd you get?† she asks nonchalantly. â€Å"Probation and anger management classes.† I return her indifference. Her head turns toward me. â€Å"Anger management classes?† â€Å"I also punched Grantford Davis in the face,† I explain. â€Å"Pretty hard. Broke his nose and everything.† Her friend gasps again and I wonder how Ella could be friends with her. She seems like a naive princess. Ella studies me acutely with her beautiful eyes that always give away what she's really thinking. â€Å"Why did you punch him?† â€Å"I think you know why.† I carry her gaze forcefully. â€Å"I asked him to drive me to the bridge, Micha,† she says it like it strangles her. â€Å"It wasn't his fault. He was just doing it as a favor.† â€Å"He should have never left you there alone.† I flip the blinker on, making a turn down a dirt road that leads into a field of tall, dry grass. â€Å"Not in that condition. You could barely think straight. In fact, do you even remember anything about that night?† She fiddles with a band of bracelets on her wrists. â€Å"I'm not sure.† â€Å"Are you not sure?† I accuse. â€Å"Or do you not want to admit it?† She starts to open her mouth, but then clamps her lips shut, and turns toward the window, dismissing me and the conversation. Ella The night I went to the bridge, I had been in a weird funk the entire day. My mom died a few weeks earlier and I couldn't seem to get rid of this vile feeling in my chest and I wanted it to go away. Badly. So I took drastic measures and decided to walk in my mother's footsteps for a night. My mom wasn't awful. She had her good moments, but had a lot of bad ones too. When she was up, she was great – a lot of fun. At least that's what I thought when I was young. However, when I got older, there was a painful realization that it wasn't normal to go on huge shopping sprees, take off in the middle of the night for a road trip, pretend she could fly†¦ But the night on the bridge wasn't the worst night I'd ever experienced. It was just the last push to my rapid decline toward the loss of control over my life. â€Å"Ella, where are you?† Micha's voice snaps me out of my own head. â€Å"You were dazing off on me there.† We're parked in front of Grady's single-wide trailer located in a field, near a junkyard and an abandoned apartment complex. I unbuckle my seatbelt, climb out of the car, and flip the seat forward to let Lila out. â€Å"No thanks.† She shakes her head, cowering back in the seat. â€Å"I think I'll wait in here.† â€Å"You're much safer inside.† Micha points to a crumbling shack in the middle of the field. â€Å"That's a crack house over there and trust me, if they see you sitting in here, by yourself, they're going to come over and harass you.† Micha's messing with her, but I let him be because this place isn't that safe of a spot. Her face pinches and she scrambles out of the car. â€Å"Who is this person's house we're at? It's not a drug dealer, is it?† â€Å"No, it's just an old friend.† I trade a secret glance with Micha and feelings rush through me like the sun and the wind. Grady was once Micha's stepfather. His mother and Grady were married for a few years and most of our happy childhood memories consist of him, camping, fishing, working on cars. Between the ages of eight and nine life was solid, not broken to pieces. I meet Micha around the front of the car and when he takes my hand, I don't object. Being here is like traveling through time and it hurts to know that the man who showed me that life can be good is dying. Lila tugs the bottom of her dress down self-consciously. â€Å"Are you sure I'm okay going in here?† â€Å"Relax,† I tell her as we reach the rickety front porch. â€Å"Grady is a good guy, he just likes living an unmaterialistic lifestyle. He chooses to live in a place like this.† She forces a tense smile. â€Å"Alright, I'm relaxing.† Micha squeezes my hand and then knocks on the door. A few knocks later and we let ourselves in. It's like I remember, and it makes me smile because it's comforting. Grady was a big traveler when he was younger and his walls map his destinations; petite nesting dolls from his trip to Russia on a small bookshelf, a painted Bokota mask from Africa hooked to the wall, a large hookah from Nepal sitting on a small fold up table. It overwhelms me and tugs at my memories. The trailer is small with a narrow kitchen connected to a boxed in living room and the three of us nearly fill up the space. Micha slides his hand up my arm and draws me to him. â€Å"Are you going to be okay?† I nod, forcing the tears away. Micha kisses my temple and I don't retreat this time, allowing myself one small moment. â€Å"It'll be okay,† Micha says. â€Å"And I'm here for you.† Time's up. â€Å"Where is he?† I take a deep breath, move away from Micha, and smother the old Ella away. He points over my shoulder. I turn around and my heart drops to my stomach. The medium build, tall man, with bright blue eyes and a head full of hair, has shifted into a frail, skeletal figure, with sunken eyes and his head shaved. His plaid jacket drowns his body and the belt around his jeans has holes added to it. I hesitate to hug him. â€Å"How are you? Are you okay?† â€Å"I'm always okay. You know that. Not even a little cancer can bring me down.† He smiles and it's just as bright as it was. Using his cane, he hobbles toward me. I meet him halfway, in front of the tattered leather recliner and give him a gentle hug, afraid I might break him. â€Å"How have you been, my little Ella May?† He steps back to take a look at me. â€Å"You look different.† I self-consciously touch my hair. â€Å"I changed my looks a little. Thought I could use a change or two.† He shakes his head contemplatively. â€Å"No, it's not that. There's something else. You seem sad.† â€Å"I'm fine,† I deny and not very well. â€Å"I feel great.† He offers me a tolerant smile. â€Å"You've never been a good liar, you know that. I always knew it was you who broke the vase.† From behind me, Micha nods concurring. â€Å"It's her eyes. They show way too much. Although she thinks differently.† â€Å"If you knew I broke the vase,† I say, â€Å"then why didn't you call me out on it?† Grady laughs and exchanges a look with Micha. â€Å"Because the elaborate story you made up won my heart over, I guess. Besides, it was just a vase.† The tension resolves, except with Lila who looks like she doesn't know what to do with herself. She dawdles near the door, fidgeting with her watch and her hair as she glances around the snug trailer. â€Å"Grady, this is Lila,† I introduce, motioning her to come closer. â€Å"She was my college roommate.† Lila steps forward and gives him a small wave. â€Å"It's nice to meet you.† â€Å"Same here.† Grady nods his head welcomingly and then arches his eyebrows at me. â€Å"So college? That's where you ran off to.† â€Å"I'm sorry I didn't tell you when I called,† I apologize. â€Å"I just needed a break. From everything.† â€Å"I'm not going to lie and say it didn't hurt a little.† He rests his weight on the cane, and his arms and legs look too thin to be moving. â€Å"You're like a daughter to me and I thought you trusted me enough to come to me if you were going through something.† His eyes dart to Micha and I wonder if he's told Grady about that night eight months ago on the bridge. â€Å"I need to make a phone call.† Micha holds up his phone as he backs for the door. â€Å"Lila, why don't you come outside with me?† Lila gladly obliges and the door swings shut behind them, rocking the house. Grady collapses into the recliner, sighing with relief. â€Å"We need to talk.† Preparing myself for a lecture, I drop into the concaved sofa across from him. â€Å"I'm in trouble, aren't I?† â€Å"Do you think you need to be in trouble?† He props his cane against the coffee table. I pull a throw pillow on my lap and slump back into the couch. â€Å"I don't know. It's hard to tell what's right and what's wrong anymore or what's up and what's down even.† He rocks in the recliner. â€Å"You've always had a good grasp on what's right and wrong. You just have a hard time admitting that sometimes you choose the wrong.† â€Å"I know that.† I gesture at myself. â€Å"That's why I changed into an Ella who doesn't do any wrong and who can keep control of her life.† â€Å"That's not what this is. This is you running from life and you can't control everything. Even if you want to.† His words send a chill through my spine. I pluck at a loose thread on the pillow. â€Å"Did Micha tell you about the night before I left†¦ did he tell you what happened – what I did?† He presses his cracked lips together. â€Å"He did.† â€Å"So then you understand why I ran away. If I don't change, then I'll turn out like her – I'll turn out just like my mother,† I admit aloud for the first time and a weight lifts from my chest, but falls right back on it, seeming ten times heavier. â€Å"I'll lose control.† He hunches forward with a sad expression on his exhausted face. â€Å"You know I knew your mother really well.† â€Å"But only because you always had to come fix everything after she had one of her episodes.† â€Å"Sweetie, you're not her. Your mother was sick – she had a mental illness.† â€Å"Bipolar Disorder is hereditary,† I say quietly. There is a higher chance that I have it just because she had it.† â€Å"But it doesn't mean you will.† With unsteady legs, he pushes up from the chair and sits down next to me on the sofa. â€Å"I think you're so afraid that you'll end up like your mom that you're hiding who you really are, but you can't control everything – no one can.† â€Å"But I can try,† I mutter and sit up, tossing the pillow off my lap. â€Å"You remember what I was like. All the crap I did. The stupid, irresponsible crap. I was a wreck waiting to happen and that night proved it. I almost†¦ I†¦ I almost killed myself.† â€Å"No, you didn't. I heard the story and you would have never gone through with it,† he says confidently. â€Å"You were just trying to sort through some stuff. You still are.† â€Å"No, I was going to do it,† I tell him, but it's a lie. â€Å"My mind may have been hindered, but I remember enough to know that when I climbed on top of that bridge, I was going to jump.† He shakes his head. â€Å"Then you don't remember what happened afterward with Micha.† â€Å"Yeah, I do.† I take a faltering breath. â€Å"I kissed him and then left him on the bridge. Then I went home, packed up my stuff, and ran away.† â€Å"No, something else happened that night.† His forehead scrunches. â€Å"Micha took you somewhere else. At least that's what he told me.† I scratch at my wrist, trying to recollect, but the events of that day are hazy. â€Å"I don't remember this at all.† â€Å"From what I understand you were out of it and pretty upset. Those two are not a good combination. Trust me, I've been there.† His fingers seek his cane. â€Å"Micha saved you from jumping, but there's more to it than that.† â€Å"When you say you've been there, what do you mean exactly?† â€Å"I mean, I've been at the place where it seems like the only way left is down.† I sift through his words. â€Å"You know, I came here to see if you're okay, and somehow all we've talked about is me.† â€Å"And that's exactly what I need,† he says. â€Å"I'm sick and tired of everyone wanting to talk about my death.† I open my mouth, but the front door squeaks open. I expect Micha, but a middle-aged woman in black sweat pants and a white t-shirt walks in. Her bleached hair is woven into a braid and she's carrying a large black bag. She grins at Grady as she shuts the door. â€Å"You're being bad again. You know you're not supposed to get out of bed.† Grady rolls his eyes, but his face lights up. â€Å"Yep, I've been bad. I guess you'll have to punish me.† I try to ignore their disturbing comments the best that I can, but it's ridiculously awkward. â€Å"Ella, this is Amy.† His serious demeanor alleviates as he says her name. I stand up from the couch to shake hands with Amy, noticing there's no ring on her finger. â€Å"Are you his nurse?† Grady starts to balance to his feet and she moves to help him, but he waves her off. â€Å"I got this. I'm not crippled yet. â€Å" She sighs and moves back. â€Å"Yes, I'm his nurse and I'm supposed to be taking care of him, but he's a stubborn man and refuses to let me do my job properly.† He growls and then chuckles. Using his cane, he heads toward the hall, his feet dragging along the orange shaggy carpet. â€Å"Ella, can you stop by tomorrow? I want to talk to you some more.† â€Å"Okay, I'll come back,† I promise as he vanishes down the hall. I turn to the nurse. â€Å"How bad is he?† She drops the bag on the counter and unzips it. â€Å"What did he tell you?† â€Å"That he has cancer,† I tell her as she takes out some baggies from the bag. â€Å"But that's all. He doesn't like to open up about himself.† Reaching into her bag, she extracts a handful of prescription bottles. â€Å"No, he doesn't, does he?† She shakes a bottle filled with clear liquid. â€Å"He has stage four bone cancer.† I nearly fall to the floor. â€Å"Stage four, but then that means that†¦Ã¢â‚¬  â€Å"It means that he has a hard, short road ahead of him,† she says frankly. â€Å"You're Ella Daniels, right? And your father is Raymond Daniels?† My fingers grasp the fabric of the recliner like it's a lifeline. â€Å"Yeah, why?† â€Å"No reason,† she says with a shrug. â€Å"Grady just talks about you sometimes.† â€Å"But you know my father,† I state warily. She zips up her bag and shuffles to the kitchen sink with the medication. â€Å"I was the nurse on call the night he was run over.† Because he was drunk out of his mind and decided to ride his bike in the middle of the highway. â€Å"So you take care of Grady, here at his home?† She turns on the faucet and fills up a glass of water. â€Å"I'm the home nurse he hired after he decided he didn't want to spend his last months in a hospital bed.† He only has months left? I need to regain control of the spiraling situation. I stumble for the door. â€Å"Tell Grady I'll see him tomorrow.† I trip down the steps and nearly eat dirt. Luckily Micha is at the bottom and he drops his phone to catch me. He steadies me to my feet, his fingers digging into my hips as he looks me over with concern. â€Å"Okay, what happened?† â€Å"He's dying,† I whisper, staring out at the dry field. â€Å"He's really dying.† â€Å"I know.† Micha holds onto me forcefully, the tips of his fingers touching my bare skin. â€Å"I told you this before we came over here.† My lungs restrict oxygen. â€Å"I thought when you said it†¦ well, I don't know what I thought, but not this.† I wave my hand at the door without looking at it. â€Å"Not a nurse. Not a few months left.† His hands move around to my back and he enfolds me against his chest. I rest my head against him, breathing in his comforting scent. I start to ask him what happened that night, but my fear of the truth shushes me. What if it's bad? What if it pushes me over the edge? â€Å"What do you want to do today?† he whispers. â€Å"You name it and it's done.† I pull away, blinking back the tears. My gaze travels to Lila sitting in the car, reapplying her lip gloss in the rearview mirror. â€Å"I have to take her to the shop and get her on the road.† Against my protest, Micha cups the back of my head, and lures me against him. â€Å"You could just ditch her.† I slap his arm. â€Å"Since when are you mean to girls?† â€Å"Since they keep complaining about the sheer drabness of the town,† he says in a mocking cheerleader voice. â€Å"And the bugs. It's ridiculous. Ten minutes out here with her and I want to lead her into the crack house over there and run.† â€Å"That's not a crack house and you know it.† I shake my head, forcing back a grin. â€Å"And I know you better than that. I'm sure you want to get in her pants.† He pauses, and then slowly his hand explores my back and sneaks to my ass. He grabs it, and bows my body into his, firing a heat deep inside my core and fumbling a moan from my lips. For a second, I forget where I am. â€Å"The only thing I want to get in is you,† he murmurs in my hair. I regain control and shove back. â€Å"Seriously? You're going to start this? Here of all places.† He swings a hand at the trailer. â€Å"Why not? Because of Grady? He'd be happy to finally see us together. He's been saying for years that you and I will end up together.† I cover my ears. â€Å"I can't listen to this.† In three long strides, he's in my face, nearly stepping on my toes. â€Å"You think that just because you left, it would change how I feel? Well, guess what? You're wrong. I can't help how I feel. I'm still in – â€Å" â€Å"Don't say it.† I point a finger at him. â€Å"Don't you dare, Micha Scott.† He holds up his hands, wide-eyed and derisive. â€Å"Oh, now I'm in trouble. You used my last name and everything.† I glance at the car, checking if Lila's eavesdropping, then whirl back and hiss, â€Å"You are in trouble. I've been back for less than a day and everything I've worked on concealing is falling apart because of you.† His aqua eyes are a fierce blue. â€Å"Good. You're fucking crazy if you think that you can run off and change your identity. This unfeeling, preppy girl thing you got going on,† he motions his hand at my tank top, white frilly skirt, and curly hair, â€Å"is nothing but bull shit. You can't just change who you are on the outside and expect it to change who you are on the inside.† Anger bubbles through me and I shove him. â€Å"You're wrong.† His boots scuff the dirt as he catches his balance and smiles haughtily. â€Å"Am I? Because right now that fire I love so much is burning pretty bright.† He reaches for my cheek, to touch me – entice me. â€Å"Micha, this is who I have to be otherwise I can't breathe. Please just leave it alone. That damn fire might exist, but I want it gone.† I spin my back to him, praying he'll listen to me for once, because if he keeps it up, sooner or later I won't be able to resist. But Micha has never backed down on a challenge in his life.